In the process of explaining Backpacking in a Suit to him, I found myself coming back to the idea of “roots” over and over again. While many look at what I’ve done over the past decade as traveling, it was actually much more, at least in places like Beijing and Hong Kong. It was an attempt to carve out a little niche for myself, to integrate myself into the fabric of the cities, to in essence, create “roots”. One of the benefits of having “roots” in a place is meaningful friendships that can lead to a sense of belonging. It goes deeper though – once I have roots in a place, I go through a process not unlike an addiction. I suffer from withdrawal – missing my friends, missing the food, missing the atmosphere – and I get this unyielding desire to go back. After a set period of time, probably about once a year so far, I feel like I need a hit.
It occurred to me that one of the reasons I am so hesitant to “settle down” is because I fear this withdrawal. In my mind, “settling down” sort of equates to choosing one set of roots (or choosing to create a new set somewhere) and letting go of all of the others that I might have. For, as much as I want to believe that one can remain grounded in multiple places, the truth is, nurturing my roots in LA, Beijing, and Hong Kong over these past few years has required extensive time, travel, and flexibility. Most importantly, I’ve been able to treat them all equally, allocating portions of each year to each place. How plausible is this when I pick one place above the others and when I can no longer only consider my own set of desires and roots? Will my friendships and my roots survive the change, and can I accept it if they don’t?
2 comments:
Yo Wayne. I think of a couple different things as you contemplate these complex choices:
1. Can you choose a different path and not have "roots" in one place? And instead have lives in different places around the world? This would be basically continuing on the path that you're already on, instead of feeling like you have to make a choice of one place over another.
2. How do other people do it? How do/will your friends that are getting married all over the world handling this?
Both good questions. I'm actually staying with a friend and colleague of my sister here in Hanoi right now. He's been in development for something like 30 years now. That of course means that he and his family have lived all over the world. I asked his wife the other night... where is home? She said, home is wherever we are at the time. It's a simple answer, and I'm sure it's right. At the same time though, I think you have to be built that way, and I don't know yet if I actually AM built that way. The idea of having multiple home bases appeals to me, but it's like having multiple best friends. It's really hard to maintain in the long term.
I think and I hope I'll meet even more people along the way on this trip, and they will no doubt shed light and force me to think more about these issues. I'll tell you more when I know more!
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