When Wendy and her boyfriend, Luc, moved to Beijing in 2005, I got the chance to get closer to both of them. We lived in close proximity; we partied together, shared massage discount coupon books, and traded bootleg DVDs. When I moved away from Beijing, it was in some sense, the end of an era. It was bittersweet at the time, but being global citizens all of us, the death blow to many friendships that is distance has largely not affected us. In fact, I think I’ve seen Wendy and Luc in more places around the world than anyone else – we’ve met up in Paris, in San Francisco and LA, in Beijing, Shenzhen, Shanghai, and Hong Kong. My friendship with them is one of those rare ones where I really don’t fear being far away. Past experience tells me that I will invariably see them somewhere in the world at sometime in the future.
At the same time, I am very sad that we are not living in the same place. Not to take away from how much I enjoy their company – I have to be honest and say that now a significant portion of this sadness is rooted in the fact that they have two very adorable young boys. Their oldest, Jonathan, is turning 2 today (actually, he technically doesn’t turn one until 2012 since he was born on Leap Day, but that’s another story.) I got the Evite for his birthday party a couple weeks ago, and it is really times like these when I am sad that I’m not living in the same place as some of my closest friends.
See, I have this special connection to Jonathan. He is the first kid that I ever babysat for by myself, and to date, still the only one. Hey, it’s not because I didn’t do well – we had a great time together and he was an absolute angel with me – but because I haven’t really stayed in any places long enough to be called on to provide my uber-babysitting services. Thus, Jonathan is the only kid whose diaper I have changed, the only kid that I have helped bathe, and the only kid that I’ve put to bed. The last time I saw them in San Francisco, it took him a couple hours to warm up to me, but by the end of my stay with Wendy and Luc, he had dropped the angel routine and was perfectly fine being fussy in front of me too. Although that sounds painful, it’s actually heart-warming to me, because I see it as a sign of him trusting me and finding me to be a regular part of his life.
Only I’m not. This is without a doubt one of the main reasons I want to settle down in one place. While the idea of traveling and living all over the place is romantic, the reality is less so and the obstacles to being truly integrated into the lives of people that you care about are great. While my closest friends will undoubtedly remain so no matter where I am, there is a warmth to being able to call them up for pop over for a visit on a regular basis. There’s something comforting about being involved in the daily routine of each other’s lives and being able to ask “so, how you been” and not be asking about what’s happened in the past year.
I really wish I could go to Jonathan’s birthday party. I wish I could see the kids of my other friends, or the newborns that will show up this year. I see my godchildren only once every few years, and now my oldest is 12. Wandering around the globe can be great fun - but not being around the people you love most is not. Wouldn't it be great if we could have it all?
3 comments:
don't be sad wayne. plenty more birthdays to come, ones where he'll actually have concrete memories as opposed to constructed ones from photos.
Yo, you can/do have it all. Just depends on how you look at things. Over the past 10 years, you have lived all of over the world, established life-long relationships with friends from all over the globe, and probably can feel comfortable calling several places "home", including LA, the SF Bay Area, and Hong Kong (and perhaps Beijing?). And you're currently on a once-in-a-lifetime trip around the world doing what you do (or at least one of those things that you do) - living through new and challenging experiences, meeting fun and interesting characters, and sharing that with the people in your life.
At this point, no matter where you choose to "settle down" (if you eventually choose a life/lifestyle that involves living in one place), you will always be far away from someone else in your life that you care about deeply - whether that be family or friends. And this is true for all of us in this world where people are so mobile, even for us where we have chosen a "settled" life. We live in the Bay Area, but our parents are in LA, we have close friends in NY and Boston, and then there's you. =) What we and you will always have are the relationships and connections, and the experiences that we can share with each other.
nice one a!
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