Raising Kids in a Wild World

I met with an old friend last night in Hong Kong named Jenny. We actually used to work at the same company when I was a consultant. She was based in Hong Kong at the time, but we met in Boston during our global training. I had just returned back to the States from my first big trip to Asia, a three month backpacking tour after graduation. Never had I been around so many Asian people for so long (not even in California!) and when I got to our global training just a few days removed from being in Hong Kong, I naturally gravitated towards the new hires from our Asian offices. Truth is, I went straight up FOB when I got back, wearing my crazy ass Hong Kong Esprit pants, sporting perhaps the wildest haircut – courtesy Taiwan – that I’ve ever had, and trying, badly, to speak anything Asian to anyone who would listen. One of my favorite activities in those three days was standing at the edge of the group of Korean new hires and waiting for an opportune moment to insert a “mo?” and see if anyone would respond to me in Korean.

In any case, Jenny and I managed to stay in touch through the years, despite the geographical differences. In fact, in some sense, she was the part of the precursor to the current Worldwide Wayne Wedding Whirlwind, since her wedding in Hong Kong was the first international one I ever attended. She is an example of the new generation of upwardly mobile, geographically agnostic global citizens. Born and raised in Hong Kong, she got a graduate degree in the US, lived and worked in Singapore and London, and has traveled around the world. Her husband Kent, is equally global; he is a corporate lawyer practicing international law who was born in Singapore, but has spent significant time in Hong Kong and enough time traveling around for work that one of his major concerns now is not traveling enough to maintain his super-elite frequent flyer status. Together, Jenny and Kent represent the new global power couple; firmly in the upper middle class, well educated, well traveled, and comfortable nearly anywhere. They honeymooned in Africa, take ski holidays in Japan, and regularly do missionary work in Cambodia.

For a long time after they got married, Kent stayed in Singapore while Jenny lived and worked in Hong Kong. Finding suitable work for both of them in one place that allowed them to maintain their standard of living was difficult. It has, in some way, also limited their freedom. Jenny tells me she once dreamed of going to work for ADB in Manila, but has long since given up the thought because of how difficult it would be for Kent to find work there. Luckily for them though, Kent has finally managed to get himself transferred to Hong Kong. No longer reliant on weekend trips to see each other, they are awaiting the completion of their new condo. Given these new circumstances, the conversation inevitably turned to a discussion of whether or not kids were on the horizon. It is apparently, a conversation Jenny has been having a lot lately. We talked about a lot of things, like biological clocks, “being ready,” and adoption.

One topic in particular struck me. Jenny talked about her concerns about raising kids in Hong Kong, which was interesting on two levels. The first is that Jenny and Kent realistically do have the option of raising their kids elsewhere – Singapore for instance. The second is her reason for concern – the Hong Kong bubble. She isn’t convinced that the lifestyle and norms that exist in Hong Kong are the ones that she wants her kids to grow up with; intense educational pressure, high levels of materialism and conspicuous consumption, skewed priorities. We both agree that while it’s possible to raise kids in Hong Kong that break the mold, it’s incredibly difficult when they are surrounded by kids that fit firmly in the mold. Moreover, there’s no guarantee that Jenny and Kent themselves can escape the social pressures to act and behave as all the other parents do. It is way too easy to succumb to societal pressures and the fear that your kids will be at a disadvantage if they’re not enrolled in the best schools, studying with the best tutors, and using the best new computers. I’d like to think that the bubble can be avoided, but I guess you never know until you are firmly in the bubble with the walls closing in to know whether or not you can truly break out of them. Jenny’s fears are real and valid, but should she let them stop her from having kids?