Seperation and Starting-Over

There is something decidedly inviting about the Philippines, most likely because of the open and friendly culture of the people. I’ve lived in many places before, and despite being a fairly sociable and affable person (no, come on really, I can be sometimes…) I’ve not found the same sort of “build-my-life” potential in those places that I’ve felt in a few short days here. What it comes down to is that it’s easy to make friends in the Philippines. They’re helpful, they’re friendly, they’re inviting, and they’re almost always smiling. Generalizations all of this, no doubt, and I admit that there are plenty of annoying characters here also. In general though, I feel it’s fair to say that befriending people and being accepted here in the Philippines is by far easier than in many other places.

I’m not the only one to think so. My only good ex-pat friend here, Matthieu, whom I met in China while he was living there, also thinks so. Again, the lack of a language barrier is certainly a factor, but we both agree that even if there was a language barrier, the Philippines would still be a more welcoming country. After just a year, he feels that he’s made a fair amount of potentially good, life-long friends. This is in contrast to his experience in China, where after four years he still had not really found a single good local friend.

My initial impressions are similar. In Beijing and Hong Kong, it probably took me at least five to six months to really feel like I could belong and that I had begun to build my own community. In Budapest and Lund, I don’t know that I ever got there. Yet here, from the servers and store employees who readily laugh at my corny jokes or stupid ex-pat facial expressions to the security guards in my building who have made it their own pet project to teach me a new word in Tagalog every day, it has not taken long for my life here to enter into an enjoyable routine filled with fun and humorous local characters. Further, while I’ve only been here for a week, I’ve already begun to fill up my borrowed mobile phone with new contacts, and I truly think that if I were to stay here for a bit longer I could create some real friendships. Who knows, I may be able to find one deep connection even in the three weeks I’m here for.

This of course, is what is actually so bittersweet about the ex-pat lifestyle for me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that despite my best intentions, the friendships I establish around the world will be tested immensely whenever I leave – no matter how good they are. There are people I met in China that I know I would never see again if I didn’t return to visit, merely because they are unlikely to really be able to come visit me somewhere in the world. Many of my friends in Hong Kong are the same, and even if we do get a chance to meet somewhere in the world, it would very likely be years between chance encounters.

Matthieu points out that with today’s technology – email, Skype, Facebook – it’s infinitely easier to keep updated and in touch than it used to be, which is true. In fact, most of the written Chinese I know now, I learned by chatting with friends in China through MSN. Technology though, is no substitute for real interaction and there’s a part of me that really gets depressed by the thought that the friendships I am making now will likely be just short-term memories and nothing more. The cynic in me wants to throw my hands up and say “what’s the point” and then hide out in my apartment. On the other hand, I know that even if it’s only for a few years, a few months, or a few days – the people I meet and the memories we create together are what make life worth living. I’m just not sure I could do the separation and start-over thing every few years.