The Sleep Deficit

I am exhausted. You might think it’s because, for the first time in three years, I’m actually working at a job that requires me to be in the office at a reasonable hour in the morning. You would only be partially right though. Certainly, getting to the office by nine (okay okay, I get there by 9:30 usually!) is difficult for an incorrigible night owl such as myself, but this is not the reason. You also could not be faulted for thinking that actually WORKING again may be the cause of my exhaustion. After all, spending eight or nine hours at a desk and using my brain is a huge change from what I’ve been doing for the past few years. Again, it certainly isn’t energizing, but it’s also not the root cause of my exhaustion.

No, in the end, it comes down to the fact that for the first time in many years, I’m actually going out regularly at night again. Not clubbing or barhopping every night, but going out to dinner and movies and coffee with new people that I’m meeting here. In other words, I’ve got a social life again. I’m not complaining – it’s nice to actually go places and be amongst people every night instead of hanging out in my room shootin’ the shit with Mr. Internet every night. Yet, having not done this in so long, I’d forgotten how much time it actually takes, and how much energy you need to keep the lifestyle – and it adds up too. I’m running a crazy sleep deficit, and unlike before, when every day was a weekend for unemployed me, weekends are actually rare and valuable opportunities to hang out with people and do fun things during the day. So, instead of catching up on my sleep, I end up losing more of it.

The cycle is quite vicious. Yet it’s also necessary, especially for a single person. In the past, I’ve spent months at a time in a self-imposed, often financially-related, social exile; with little income and lots of expenses, going out just wasn’t an option. Or even worse than this is the purgatory of suburban Los Angeles hell, where I spent the better part of last year with only the prospect of randomly meeting housewives with their children or local high school kids. This certainly didn’t do anything for my social life, my social network, or for the cause of finding my potential future wife. Beyond just having fun socializing though, for a single person, the physical act of being present in the outside world is a duty (especially if you are not on the internet dating bandwagon yet) as you have to be seen in order to see someone.

Manila is a good test case for me, and a reminder that not only is it hard to be a single person, but it’s hard to start life over in a new place. Those married folks out there who look back fondly on the freedoms of being single are forgetting how much work dating actually requires. You have to meet people, track them down, arrange to meet, and plan time together. Similar to dating, finding and nurturing new friends takes just as much time (and in some cases, more time.) In both cases, there are starts and stops, miscommunications and crossed-signals, and just plain mistakes in judgment – all of which can lead to starting over from scratch. I’m not in Manila long enough to really date anyone (an interesting topic in itself that I’ll reflect on another time!) and I’m as aware as the next guy that the likelihood of finding a lifelong friend in three weeks is minimal. Yet I’m here, and the fun of having a social life again is too much to pass up, so I’m trying to seize the day… sleep deficit or not.