The Last Wedding

The last wedding for Backpacking in a Suit is over, but not before it took its toll on my waistline, cleansed all of my pores through intensive sweat treatment, and somehow (likely through the incredible colors of the sari’s worn by all the women at the wedding) caused my Canon 50mm EF-S II 1.8 lens to literally break in half.

With a few free moments here in Mumbai, I want to make sure that I get a chance to update you on this last wedding. First things first, the happy couple. Sarah is my friend from high school – one of the most impressive people I know, with an incredible natural curiosity, an innate knack for adapting to virtually any circumstance, and an ability to help put people from all cultures and backgrounds at ease. She spent a number of years working for a global auto company, traveling on projects to places like Dubai, Honduras, and India for work. She met her husband, Anil, while at business school, about three years ago. Anil was born and raised in India, before going to the US to study and then work. Despite all the obstacles and differences, they somehow have managed to carve out a life and find incredible common ground to build a relationship on.

Given that Sarah is from Los Angeles, and Anil is from Tarapur, they had big choices to make on where to have their wedding. Anil told me that they originally thought about having a combined Hindu-Christian wedding in America (like many Indian immigrants do) but decided that it made more sense to have separate weddings in both locations. Given the cultural context in both wedding traditions, and the amounts of people that would be attending, this seemed to make the most sense to them. Given the increasing number of incredibly multi-cultural, multi-geographical couples today, this is likely to be an increasing occurrence, one that I’ve already seen a number of actually. Thus, contrary to common sense (but ridiculously normal for my life) I missed the wedding in LA while at a different wedding, but made it to the second on here, halfway around the world, in Tarapur.

Now that the wedding is done though, there is no doubt that I am happy to have come. The festivities started the day I arrived, with an intimate henna ceremony at Anil’s house, where many of the female family members had decorations done on their hands and feet. Sarah, of course, had the most elaborate decorations of all, with henna up to her elbows and above her ankles. Anil’s name was hidden on her left arm, in sort of a fun game for kids and other relatives to attempt to discover through close inspection. We also went that night to the local market to buy sherwani’s to wear to the wedding ceremony itself.

On the second day, Anil’s family hosted close wedding attendees at their house for lunch. Buzzing with activity and cooking, we went with Sarah’s family as esteemed guests and got a chance to try out some of incredible home cooking. I didn’t even have to ask what things were, as all of the food provided during the wedding was vegetarian (and amazingly good vegetarian I must add.) Then we hung around Anil’s house for the better part of the afternoon, chatting with family members, playing cricket, and avoiding the heat. In the evening, we moved to the official wedding venue for a more formal engagement event. Anil and Sarah spent the majority of the evening on stage with their parents, as gifts and commitments to marriage were made in elaborate Hindi ceremonies. I must admit that I do now know everything that went on, but it was incredible to watch, and the mid-ceremony outfit change was also incredibly impressive. Anil was kind enough to invite us on stage to take pictures and video, and I think he did not realize what he had done until a dozen of us were buzzing around him on stage taking pictures from every possible angle. The ceremony was followed by dancing and then a buffet banquet before people started scattering around 11pm.

I wish we had retired earlier actually, as the next day proved to be a very long (and gratifying) one. We started early in the morning back at the venue for what was to be the official wedding ceremony. Again, the families took their place on stage for formal and ceremonial promises to each other. Then came time for a procession in the community, complete with marching band, men in celebratory turbans (see previous entry!), and Anil on a horse. I think traditionally this part comes before the ceremony itself and is generally for the groom’s family to go pick up the bride, but given the circumstances, things were moved around. Instead we danced around the block outside the wedding venue like madmen in the stifling heat with Anil behind us on his horse, announcing the marriage to the world (or at least those few people out in the streets at the time). Afterwards, with much of the formal part of the ceremony over, we started the more raucous part of the traditions, where friends and cousins played a greater role. We barred the groom from entering until he paid a bribe, we stole his shoes and asked again for money, and we had to lift both the bride and groom aloft when they were exchanging necklaces in order to show our support of them now and in the future. The morning session ended with another wonderful lunch before some much needed rest.

Finally, the last major banquet started at night, with an impressive display of food and hundreds of well-wishers pouring into the venue for photos and gifts. We roamed around with our mouths on the floor at the great selection of food – an almost impossible improvement (for me) over what we had already been served the past two days. They even had an Italian pasta and a Chinese stir-fry section available, in addition to crazy-good local Indian foods and freshly-made roti, naan, and puri. It was overwhelming, and I actually had to wait an hour before starting to eat since I was still full from lunch. Anil and Sarah had to wait longer, as they posed for pictures with crazy numbers of people. In fact, they continued taking pictures even after we left around 11pm.

In all, it was a really amazing experience. The food, as I’ve already said, was great. The clothing worn got better each day, with women saving their best sari’s for the banquet on the last night – glittering and beautiful, with colors and patterns that you couldn’t imagine even if you tried. Dozens of kids were dressed in their finest, and they spent the time running around with cousins and friends. There were even two side celebrations, as the family took the opportunity during this reunion to mark birthdays and anniversaries. Anil’s family was incredibly helpful and welcoming and inclusive – at one point I even ended up battling almost every one of Anil’s uncles (he has six) on the dance floor. In the end, I retired after inventing a hopping snake dance that everyone cheered for and that gave me a headache.

So, finally, the weddings are over. It is bittersweet, as this has been what has driven me for the past five months. At the same time though, I’m excited to wrap up the trip and have some time to reflect on things and start really writing. Of course, with one more month of traveling in ridiculously hot India left, those things will still have to wait a bit. For now, the journey and the trip continues – starting with a 12 hour train ride tomorrow night to Gujarat – and I hope you all will continue to stick with me through this last leg, all the way to the end!